i love my mental soundtrack. it runs in the background as i go about my day. just before i sat down to write, i ordered a grateful dead t-shirt online, a red one i can wear to stanford women’s basketball games. now “till the morning comes,” from american beauty, is playing in my mind.
i could sing it out loud, and sometimes i do. i could put on the cd - in fact, i did a few minutes ago; but (uh oh) now we’re on to the next track, “attics of my life,” which i don’t really want to hear right now. actually i can’t concentrate with that on. it’s too loud, so i’m going to turn it down. hmmm, still doesn't work. maybe it's the wrong song, so i’ll turn it off. ahh, that’s better; now i have, playing in my mind, just the verse i want to hear:
til the morning comes, it’ll do you fine.
til the morning comes, like a highway sign,
showing you the way, leaving no doubt,
of the way on in or the way back out.
at times i hear, looping, only the phrase “til the morning comes.” it’s just the right volume – loud enough to hear but in the background, not overshadowing the action. most of the time i don’t even notice it’s there. then, occasionally the direction of my awareness shifts, and whoop, there it is! the song fragment accompanies and amplifies my actions and interactions, in the way that a movie soundtrack accompanies and supports the action.