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Re your Secretary reference:
Someone once said,
“A wound is just a highway to a new and enlightened kind of confidence.
Damage is one of the things in emotional aesthetics that makes something
great. Like all the scars on a tree or a banged up coffee cup or whatever…
Everything you go through is marking your soul.”

Sarah Lewis

The story about the dad and basketball coaching reminds me of what my brother calls "best student" syndrome. This is when a teacher pushes the "best student" because the student is the best. After losing a "best student" he realized that he had been pushing her too hard, telling her "how to improve" too much. This seems like the wrong king of scrutiny for the "right" kind of motive, but it's lethal.
It as helpful for me to hear the "scrutinizing" aspect specified. It helps me understand why my cat just wants to sit under the bed sometimes, just to be out from under my scrutiny which is watching for any sign of illness or problem. (He has had a lot of problems, maybe in part from being scrutinized rather than regarded with compassion.

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